My brain is confused sometimes

I have a jealousy problem. Damn that is hard to say. It really is. I get jealous of those that seem to be more successful than me. I know it's stupid. I shouldn't be jealous of anyone, but I am and I hate it. Let me give an example. I have a few friends with blogs. They write well, and they have the viewership to show it. I am jealous that they have a viewer base, and are successful writers. I know I could be as successful as them if I tried. My own insecurities get in the way, and then I get jealous. I am by no means unsuccessful in my life. I am an award winning student journalist, but I feel as if that feat is minuscule compared to my friends' accomplishments. It's easy to point out your own flaws. Hopefully the next post will be happier. Thanks for reading, Bee

I was doing a bit of thinking and reflecting this evening. Being home for the summer got me thinking about how difficult this school year was for me emotionally. That being said, I am not depressed (currently); however, I really did struggle learning how to be vulnerable again. In high school, I forced myself to shut down whenever I felt emotional. High school was a hell that I thought I was never going to be able to leave, and because of that, I only let one person in. Once I got to college everything changed. I now had a group of friends that knew me inside and out, i had a team of editors that I could talk to, and I had the freedom to show who I was. These things surprisingly made it harder for me to feel vulnerable. I know it seems silly, but I had the need to protect those around me rather than be the one being protected. I mothered my friends and pressed and pressed to get them to feel safe and happy. Instead of helping, I pushed them and made them frustrated with me. The only

Hello hello!! I know it's been a little while since I have posted on this blog. I had other things in my life that I had to worry about, and I know that is a bit of a sorry excuse. If you're curious about what was going on, here's an update on what has happened. 1. I finished my first year of college. I had a lot to worry about with the newspaper, friends, exams, and other things. Unfortunately my YouTube channel and blog got neglected because of it.   Newspaper took over my life. During the semester, I put my all into my school newspaper because I wanted to leave for the year feeling confident in my writing abilities. I actually won two awards because of my hard work.  My boyfriend and I separated. I was no longer happy in the relationship; however, we remain close as friends. He is now home in Ohio for the summer, and I am here in MS.  I am currently in the process of getting a job. I have a few things that I need to purchase for upcoming school years. Because of t